Celebrate Yourself: The Power of Self-Acknowledgement

Years ago, I wrote a poem called Celebrate Yourself . It was written to me, for me, by me. More importantly, it was written for the voice inside my head-me. It was written for the voice that told me as often and as subtly as possible, “everyone else is better / you are not good enough.”

Confidence is not linear, nor is it a destination. It is something that you grow and bloom and nurture, and groom as you go through your personal life journey. Confidence, I have come to learn is a choice, it is a decision.

I don’t know about you all, but I am at constant battle with myself or the voice inside my head that often spreads doubt, fear, shame, comparison, jealousy, and impossible expectations on me.

This is not to say that I don’t have winning moments in my life. In fact, I think I have more winning moments in life than I can count. Often they are winning moments because they happened in spite of the voice in my head; they happened because I decided I wouldn’t listen to that voice and that I would jump in instead. Dishearteningly however, it doesn’t seem to matter how many goals I surpass, how many accomplishments I reach, how many small wins I get, it is always not good enough for the negative voice in my head.

So I’m thirty now, and I am tired. I’ve had enough. I’ve spent my whole life unconsciously listening to that “naysayer” voice in my head that I no longer notice it anymore. When I began really doing some self-analyzing and mental health work I began to realize that the voice and I, we were not the same. I began to understand that there was a greater consciousness that lived within me that could become aware of the voice, notice it, and shut the bitch down. I had a higher consciousness inside of me, and she wasn’t going to let the voice win, not anymore, not ever again. I had to ask myself, when that voice is talking like that, who hears the voice? Yes, the one that hears the voice, the one that decides whether or not to listen to the voice, THAT is me. I am not the voice. I’ve learned that when the voice does rear its ugly head, as long as I make myself aware, I can fight it.

Now, where the hell did this voice come from in the first place? To be honest, I’m not sure 100%. But I do know that at a young age when I lived in Haiti with my mother and two sisters (I was the middle child), I have zero memories of that voice speaking negatively to me. In fact, I have memories of the voice being rather confident though a bit co-dependent on the perceptions of others. I remember it saying things like, “I have the prettiest dark skin, and the biggest moon eyes that make everyone notice me” or “I’m my mom’s special girl that everyone adores.” I lived a difficult but happy childhood in Haiti. Difficult on the days we went hungry and without food, but happy in the way that my sisters and I would play games to distract our growling bellies. I was carefree and confident then in a way that I miss. I faced my big sister head on during sibling fights, I told my mother my honest feelings when she was wrong, and I was curious and courageous about our environment even if it got me into trouble.

As I grew older, and my journey brought me to different places and different people, the voice began to make itself known more negatively. It started off as a protective shield in a way when I left my mother’s side at the age of ten to live with my father’s family in the United States. After moving, it became clear to me very quickly that the new people around me did not care about who I was on the inside nor who I was becoming. They didn’t want anything from me except that I follow the rules, get good grades, do the chores, be grateful for my immigration from poverty, and always be polite. I was ten in the 4th Grade. I grew afraid. I felt alone. I stumbled over the new language with my French, and Haitian Creole accents. I became more silent.

I had left my mother who had been my protector and I needed something, or someone to tell me how to swim this new ocean.  I needed someone to tell me that I mattered because I hadn’t developed yet how to tell myself. I needed someone to tell me that I was capable of everything I set my mind to do. But no one did. In fact, my new life told me the opposite. So that’s when the voice grew stronger. It came to warn me overtime more and more in different situations about growing smaller, about making myself invisible, becoming unnoticeable, being normal, seeking acceptance, acting nice, becoming perfect. I stood and took the emotional abuse from my new environment which translated slowly into that voice, “Stay quiet, say thank you, sound genuine, don’t ask for anything, you are already taking up too much space, you’ll sound more polite with a small voice, you can’t speak well so don’t even try, you forget too much, you don’t belong here, you’re a shy person, you’re the poor one, you’re not cool, your opinion is probably wrong, you’re not as smart as her, you don’t want to sound stupid, say nothing at all.” And I listened for years.

It’s no wonder, that as I grew into an adult I continued to attract situations and moments in my life where I continued to listen to that voice. I am grateful however that the consciousness inside me did all that it could and often to combat that voice.

THIS blog is a letter of acknowledgement. Here is a fraction of all of the things that I have accomplished in my lifetime in spite of the voice. Here are the things I am CHOOSING to ACKNOWLEDGE MYSELF FOR moving forward. Here are all of the moments that helped and continue to help me to grow in confidence. Here are the most vulnerable thoughts that go through my head as I climb over the obstacles in my life. Here is proof that if you leap afraid and do it anyway, you can eventually smash that voice to smithereens to the point where you no longer even hear it. Better yet, here is a louder, growing, loving, accepting, encouraging, confident voice of power saying to me to “Celebrate Yourself”

Voice: You will never speak English the way they do it, nor as well as they do.

Acknowledgement: I learned to speak English within a year of being in the U.S. and went from earning zero to no grades to earning the High Honor Roll my second school year and every year after that until high school graduation. I have been an educator for almost 8 years and I teach middle school kids how to read and write the English language and to love themselves. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You don’t draw as well as he/she does.

Acknowledgement: I won 3rd place in a drawing competition in the 5th Grade titled “If Pigs Could Fly” and was extremely proud of myself. I created a slew of pieces for my artist portfolio my senior year of high school before I moved and chose to abandon the craft. I learned to draw portraits of people. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You are not pretty. You are too dark. Your body is not shaped the way it should be. You don’t have the right clothes or style.

Acknowledgement: I am in full deep love with the way I look. I love my dark melanin and emphasize it in pictures any chance I get. I’m addicted to my locs and will let them grow till they drag to the floor and root me to the earth. I still love my moon eyes despite the scar left behind there by my stepmother’s abuse. This body has survived a surgical myomectomy to remove a large 12cm uterine fibroid, and has healed fully with no new signs of fibroids a year later! This body WILL be a home for future generations to be birthed and wil continue to be loved AS IS! I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You are not smart enough. You don’t belong here, they made a mistake accepting the application and someone’s going to figure it out. You can’t even afford to go to this school. You have no one.

Acknowledgement: At 22 years old, I graduated from New York University with my Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature with a minor in Africana Studies, and I graduated from Fordham University with my Master’s Degree in Adolescent Education while working full time both degrees funding my own education with some support from grants/scholarships/government loans. Despite feeling as if I was doing it on my own, I know that I had and still have a tribe of people supporting ready to jump the minute I request for support. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You are shy and haven’t lived yet. What you have to say isn’t good enough. You’re not a real writer/author. You don’t know how to publish a book. You don’t have enough time.

Acknowledgement: I have been writing poetry since the age of 14 and have amassed over 400 poems since. I have gone up to host, speak, and perform my poetry on at least 50 different stages. I am now a published author of a book of poetry “Rebirth: Selected Poems“. I have sold 300+ books since publication. I have supported three friends to self-publish their own books since learning how to do it. I have gotten amazing feedback by different individuals of how my writing has helped them to connect/heal/transform. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: Your biggest fear is change. You are not well-traveled.

Acknowledgement: I’ve lived in over 16+ homes/apartments/dorms/cities in my lifetimes. I have traveled to 15 countries and counting (Haiti, U.S., Canada, Ghana, Togo, D.R., Palestine, Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Bermuda, Mexico, Cuba, Barbados, Puerto Rico) and countless cities around the world having successfully guided friends/groups through many of these cities for culture, adventure, and bonding. I have also traveled solo and made my way. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You are too scared to jump off this cliff and into this water. You are going to die horribly if you do. Don’t be so reckless. There is a limit.

Acknowledgement: I was waiting for a moment to stop being afraid so that I would jump off this cliff at Horseshoe Bay Beach while I was in Bermuda. I realize I could not wait or else I’d be up there forever and eventually would walk away afraid. I told myself then, “Leap Afraid” because the fear doesn’t stop, but you can choose to jump regardless. And I did. It was one of the most exhilarating jumps of my life. I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You don’t know enough to launch and run your own travel company.

Acknowledgement: Watch me! I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER.

Voice: You are not worthy. You don’t matter. You don’t have a home.

Acknowledgement: I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER. I impact hundreds of students, staff, and their families daily and without my authentic heart and attention to detail being there for them, they would have a completely different reality. I have brought my family together countless times, and without the empathy that I bring to the table many of us would still be bickering and losing time. I have influenced every single person I have had a connection/friendship/relationship with to grow deeper into their higher selves and they have consistently thanked me for it. I have forgiven those who have tried to break me in the past even when it was difficult. I lead by example. I have volunteered countless hours in service of and for the well-being of others leaving an immeasurable impact. I have supported my mother to buy land in Haiti that will stay in our family for generations where before we moved from place to place in fear never knowing when we would be kicked out next. I am not only a homeowner now but I am a landlord bringing in residual income in addition to my salary. I am a force to be reckoned with. The whole earth is my home. I am full of light and love and I make a difference. I no longer live to survive, but to thrive. I have broken and will continue to break generational curses. 

I AM THE DREAM AND THE HOPE OF THE SLAVE. (Maya Angelou)

I AM A PART OF THE WHOLE DAMN UNIVERSE.

I NOT ONLY MATTER BUT I AM MATTER.

I AM A POWERFUL, CONNECTED, AND LOVING LEADER!

This is the reason why I wrote and recorded this poem, “Celebrate Yourself Feat. Dream.C-Atcher & Produced by Edson Sean. The very same poem helped me in my time of need this week when I had no clue how to celebrate myself. Sharing this post with you all, and me returning to read it daily will be my own voice of power. We all need to pause throughout our day in order to truly listen to ourselves. Acknowledge the fears and doubts that come and go. Then, in spite of them, Celebrate yourself!

#womenofcolor #selflove #Inspirational #empowerment #positiveselftalk #blackwomen #women #travel #writing #positive